After five applications, I was ready to give up on getting a Hedgebrook residency. Even though their application fee is less than most, it felt like I might never get in. After all, they're one of the most competitive residencies with one of the longest applications. But also one of the best.
If you're not familiar with Hedgebrook, they give women writers the gift of time and space to write in individual cabins on Whidbey Island in Washington State. Their mantra is "radical hospitality," which includes lunch baskets hand-delivered to your cottage door and evening dinners around the farmhouse table, so residents can focus on their writing and not cooking meals. Writers from around the world apply. The long application is designed to help writers answer the question, Why Hedgebrook, Why Now? That application takes time. As of this writing, it costs $30 to apply. If you get in, you receive an incredibly generous gift. If not, kiss your $30 goodbye. So why did I apply over and over with no residency to show for it? First of all, because I believe in Hedgebrook's mission in supporting a diversity of women's voices. Being the founder and administrator of an artist residency, I know the hidden costs of having an online applications, which are expensive but important if you want to have a fair adjudication process. So I looked at my application fee as a donation. If I didn't get in, it still supported Hedgebrook and the writers who did get in. That $30 and its kiss goodbye went to worthy writers and a worthy cause. Completing the application each year, became my second reason for applying. Anyone who's applied for residencies and artist grants knows that the application processes can differ significantly. I always appreciate the ones that are relatively painless and easy. You could make a full-time job of filling out applications, but anyone who can afford to spend all their time applying probably doesn't need the grants or fellowships. Hedgebrook's application is different, though. To do it justice, it takes hours. However, it walks you through thinking about and articulating your artistic vision for your current work. People pay a lot to spend a weekend being taken through that very process, so I began to see the application itself as an investment in my own writing, regardless of whether I got a residency fellowship or not. Even so, this year, my fifth time applying to Hedgebrook, I decided would be my last. I had put my heart and soul into that application. I was very candid about my current work in progress, and shared not only my vision for it, but also the questions that troubled me. Instead of using the application to hold up any past accomplishments or accolades in an effort to convince reviewers I was worthy, I talked about the issues I was grappling with, why I thought they were important on a broader scale as well as on a personal scale, and what I hoped the writing would accomplish. When the application was complete, I knew it was the most heartfelt and focused application I'd ever submitted. The vulnerability of talking candidly about the challenges of the work made me nervous. And yet, I also knew this was the best application I'd ever submitted for anything. If Hedgebrook didn't accept me this time, I figured my work must not be a good fit, so I'd focus my efforts on another residency. Then an email arrived with the word CONGRATULATIONS. I honestly couldn't tell you what else it said when I first read it. It took several more readings for the reality to set in. My application had been accepted. The residency was scheduled. WOO HOO! The residency takes place later this winter. No doubt it will be a productive and profound time. I'm beyond grateful to Hedgebrook--not just for the residency, but for not accepting my applications before. If I'd gotten in on the first (or second, or third, or fourth) try, would I have pushed myself harder? Would I have learned to speak candidly and with such clarity about my intended project? Would I even have been able to talk about my work in much depth at all without several years of focused effort practicing how to create a cogent artist statement and statement of work? Hedgebrook honed not only my application skills, but my thinking skills through their application questions. Samuel Beckett's quote, "Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Fail Again. Fail Better," comes to mind. So, Hedgebrook, thank you for granting me a residency fellowship this year, and thank you even more for not granting me one in the past.
1 Comment
1/14/2019 11:34:43 am
Congratulations, Jill! I just read this wonderful news. I’m happy for you - and for Hedgebrook; you’ll be a marvelous addition. Thanks, too, for your reflections about the application process. It’s important to remember how valuable the work required to apply can be for a writer’s growth.
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AuthorJill McCabe Johnson's research and writing practice follow the tradition of the French Medieval poetic form, the "chanson d'aventure" or song of adventure, where a writer walks into a new environment for enlightenment and inspiration. Archives
April 2020
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